Don't worry be happy

Self-confidence is a tricky beast.  I am having a hard time with ‘faking it till you make it’ because all of the doubts are creeping in.  It’s really not easy to ignore them.  The questions that should not even be asked are clamoring for answers.  Much to the contrary of what is actually happening in my life – the voices seed doubts that don’t have any basis in reality.  I want to verbalize them and ask S all these questions that would only validate my insecurities. What happens if I don’t give them a voice?  Can I ignore them enough that they will just all go away?  It feels so false to not express what is dying to be said.  Is that what the ‘fake it’ part refers to? I don’t even want to write out the questions as that would only acknowledge their validity.

S doesn’t live too much in his head and that is something I could learn to do better.  Just enjoy the present and life and don’t over-analyze what is going on.  Be aware, but refrain from future-tripping.  We know if and when we are happy and so why bog yourself down with worries about what might and might very likely not ever come to pass.  Things are going well – don’t fuck it up by overthinking.  Just enjoy the happiness we bring to each others’ lives.