Trying to process the Trump/Harris election

and mostly failing, but glad for community both online and off

My predictions were way off. It’s hard to be so wrong and so blind-sided. I thought women would vote overwhelmingly for Harris and Blue all the way down ballot to protect our rights. I thought we would protect each other. I thought we would protect the planet we all share.

This morning, I felt stupid for believing in the goodness of people. I hate that. I don’t want to think like that.

It’s much more comforting to accept a conspiracy theory that somehow the votes were flipped or discounted than accept that he won and people are so selfish. It’s easier to believe that somehow the election was rigged in their favor. But I accept reality. I live in the real world. Our electoral process is solid. It’s just unfortunately my initial gut reaction when Biden dropped out was sadly right. My first words were “Fuck, that’s it, Trump’s gonna win. America is too racist and sexist to vote for a woman of color.” I do not like this timeline! 

Harris ran an incredible campaign. Much like Ginger Rogers, she did everything perfectly, backwards, and in heels. The Democrats’ groundwork was off the charts. Thousands of volunteers wrote postcards, made phone calls, sent texts, and traveled to different states to knock on doors and talk with people. There were millions of newly registered voters. Republican voters were breaking for Harris and putting Country over Party.  Her rallies were full to overflowing and his were half empty. He had way less visual propaganda out than in 2016, and yet he won. It is hard to accept and difficult to comprehend. The United States of America has A LOT to answer for. White Supremacy is a fucking powerful drug. The Patriarchy is a hell of a drug. White women - we have A LOT to answer for. This is unacceptable and yet it is reality. 

This is who we are. This is who voted.

This morning my husband and I had a good long supportive conversation over breakfast after I bawled my eyes out. He stayed with me as long as he could before leaving for work. I kept it together to get our son to school all okay and then when he was out the door, I lost it. I haven’t cried like that since our last pregnancy miscarried at 12 weeks in June 2021. Ugly tears.

My friends and neighbors have been amazing and supportive. I am so grateful for them all. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it. It’s painful and I am grieving. The tears come and go. I am also really thankful for the community that has emerged, both near and far. There are a lot of people who worked really hard to elect VP Harris to the highest office of the land in all sorts of manners. That work will continue - but will shift into resistance and trying to protect the most vulnerable.

This evening at dinner I had a conversation with our nine year-old son. I told him that just because Trump behaves poorly, it does not give us permission to behave badly. We still should treat everyone with kindness, respect, and love. We talked about how he should react if he gets into a situation where someone is being harmed. He is a good, sweet, loving child and I want to encourage that behavior forever. 

Feelings are a lot right now - they are a mess and confusing and processing will take a while. A childhood friend shared these words and they are invaluable right now. Along the lines of Mr Rogers - look for the helpers - and we are the helpers. Everyone is going to need support and love and kindness now. Let's embody that even more than usual. 

“Hey, my friends. You probably reached for your phone at some point this morning or stayed up late enough to know the results.  It’s hard to believe.  I know.  Please don’t panic, and don’t lose hope. Here are some things that won’t change and some things that might help:

1.  The people you love are still the people you love. Now is the time to love them even harder. Don’t let this news interfere with that love. Love harder. Keep them close. Take care of them.   Let this be your main focus.

2.  Love your neighbors. Talk to them.  Get to know them. Lean in harder on the fact that most people are just trying to get through the day, and they mean you no harm.

3.  Take care of each other. This is connected to loving each other, but makes love a verb. Put your energy into being gentle and compassionate, finding ways, no matter how small, to ease each other’s burdens, to listen, to be a part of what helps them heal. Because we all need healing.

4.  Don’t forget how resilient you are. You’ve seen things. And here you are.  You know how to lift yourself out of sadness and anger and hopelessness. Now is the time to do that again.

5. Do not let darkness win.  Don’t occupy your thoughts with doomsday scenarios and hopelessness. Your thoughts believe what you tell them. Tell them about every small thing that’s beautiful — that the sun doesn’t give a shit who’s president. That your dog is the best dog ever. That your life is actually good when you look, really look, at everything you do and everyone you love. Pay attention to the smallest things that delight you and fortify you.

6.  Stay calm. Panic is a virus. Fear is a virus. Now is the time, more than ever, to only spread what keeps us together. What keeps us mindful of each other. It’s nearly impossible to fear and love at the same time.  Replace it again and again, this fear, with love. You may have to do this 100 times a day. But don’t stop. It’s your protest.

7.  You are okay. Look around you right now. You have a day to create right there in front of you. It’s an invitation. You have coffee in your hand. It’s quiet and peaceful. You’ll be getting your kids up soon. Some of you will save a life today. Some of you will fix something that’s broken. All of us are in this together. You aren’t alone, and today you’ll both give love and receive it.  

Stay strong in these places, dear ones. They are our humanity and our hope. We’ve all heard this before: worry never fixed anything. Keep your energy flowing toward anything that grows and is good.

I love you guys so much.”